Sunday, January 19, 2014

The Reasons I Wake Up Every Morning

Let me tell you a story.  A long, long time ago, in a land far away, a woman was living her life filled with depression, doubt, loneliness and sorrow.  A fair maiden she was but the knight in shining armor she longed for so desperately seemed endlessly lost. 

She would bide her time with books, music, friends, movies, internet research, writing, painting and so much more.  Yet there was an emptiness inside her, a whole in her heart that none of those things was filling. 

Try as she might she could not lift herself out of her depression and so it worsened and worsened to the point she barely left her humble abode to see the outside world.  Everything she could ever need or want was at her fingertips, a click of a key and a package would arrive at her door to bring her what she desired.

But the void remained.  Long, lonely nights kept her awake, she developed an aching in her heart.  Years went by and her knight was yet to be found.  She began to give up hope. 

Her hurting went deep, deeper than the knife she used to express her pain through slicing her flesh.  A "cutter" they called her.  "Depression with manic episodes" they labeled her.  "Insomnia" was her demon. 

They stuffed pills into her mouth and forced them down her throat until she could no longer feel anything.  A walking zombie, no emotion, no affect, no feelings at all. 

No laughter erupted from her mouth, no smiles crossed her face, her eyes began to lose their shine. 

Then something magical happened.  A friend realized her needs.  Realized her desires.  Her necessity to care for others, others to call her own.  Her friend realized that the nights out dancing and drinking, going to movies, babysitting others' children weren't enough for the fair maiden any longer. 

She needed her own life, not to live vicariously through the lives of others.  No longer could the friend stand to see the dear fair maiden suffer through such internal turmoil. 

The friend pushed the fair maiden, pushed and pushed, until finally the fair maiden gave in to her friend's demands. 

The friend's demands were simple.  The fair maiden was to start actively searching for her Knight instead of waiting for him to find her. 

The road was rough, as she knew it would be, she needed guidance, which her friend gladly gave, she needed persuasion, her friend obliged willingly so the fair maiden would see that she was not completely alone. 

Then it happened.  One cool spring night many moons ago the fair maiden met her Knight.  She was timid at first, as was he, but the conversations were long and endless.  Infatuation began, slowly it dissolved into lust and after the lust began to fade, love grew in its place.

The fair maiden had found her Knight.  Her Knight had found his maiden and together they lived happily for quite some time. 

Something amazing happened then, the Knight asked the maiden to marry him, to be his for all eternity and beyond, forever and always.  The maiden accepted with giddy excitement. 

She had found love, a forever kind of love.  The two were blissfully happy for many months.  Then the maiden started to feel ill.

The things she used to like and love, no longer satisfied her.  She worried she was going back into that dark hole she had worked so hard to crawl out of but the fates had something far more magical and wondrous in store for her. 

The maiden became pregnant.  The Knight was ecstatic.  His chest puffed up with pride.  They would have a child together. 

Nine long months later, their princess was born.  Beautiful as the sunrise, fair haired and skinned with bright blue eyes and curly locks of gold, the princess was their most treasured possession. 

Their family was complete. 

But once again, the fates had more in store for the Knight and the fair maiden, whom he now referred to as his Queen. 

A second child, another blessing from the gods. 

The Knight was ecstatic, yet again, and the Queen was elated. 

Her heart, she felt it, whole inside her chest. Overflowing with warmth and love and light and reasons to wake up every morning. 

The Knight and his Queen had their two little princesses and they've lived happily ever after ever since.  Their story is not complete, in fact it has just begun, but now that they have each other, all is right with their world.


P.S.  This is my story.  These three people whom I hold so dear are the reason my heart is whole to this day. 

They are my reasons to wake up every morning.  

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