I've been doing some research on chronic pain. It's something I have to deal with so I mine as well know more about it. Right?
Well, statistical evidence has proven that those individuals who are suffering from daily chronic pain are also individuals who have a host of other medical problems to deal with. Some of the most common ones are a mental health/chemical imbalance issue, such as bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety, insomnia, etc., but also anemia, low vitamin D levels, and very often gastrointestinal issues occur, as well. The list is long so I won't put them all down here but I hope you get the idea.
The point I'm trying to make is that with chronic pain it isn't ever just chronic pain. You also end up with this huge list of other medical issues. And dealing with all of these things on top of your chronic pain really tires you out on the day to day. You get sick of it after a while. All the pills, the doctors, the trips to the hospital, some have even had to deal with countless surgeries to try and correct chronic pain problems or even some other chronic issues that require surgery like osteoarthritis, gastric issues...really, the list is like a mile and a half long so I'm not going to write them all down.
And when chronic pain has you down all day long, depressed because you're in pain and you've taken all the pain medication you can possibly take and you're lying there in bed, wanting nothing more than to cry and become invisible, when just a few mere moments of non-existence is all you need to be normal, to feel normal again, only a few minutes of peace where your body doesn't hurt, where your mind can relax, where you aren't feeling an ounce of pain, it's hard to remain positive and see the light at the end of the tunnel.
It's on those days, in those moments where you wish and hope and pray that someone or something would just take all the pain away from your body for even a minute, those days are the hardest to get by, to cope with, to make it through. It's difficult for you to motivate yourself to even get out of bed, let alone take care of your children, change a diaper, make a cup, find something for them to eat, entertain them, clean up after them, do laundry, clean the house and then the doctor appointments and WIC appointments, and my own appointments for my own health care needs such as my psych doctor, my neurosurgeon, my regular physician, my chiropractor, my chronic pain specialist.
Then there are the appointments for my husband; eye doctor, urologist, regular physician and again, the chiropractor, the psych doctor, the pain management doctor...so many appointments to remember and keep scheduled properly and make sure there is gasoline to get to all of these appointments every month.
It's kind of like an artful ballet. We all dance around each other while trying not to step on each others toes in any fashion and yet, sometimes it happens and then you get an argument going and those are never good for me because my rage and anger are tough enough to cut through the fence of trees I put up to keep them at bay like a hot knife through butter.
These are things that normal parents worry about...what a normal parent usually doesn't have to worry about is whether or not they will actually feel like physically moving that day, will their body let them pick up their child without pain that day, will you even be able to function on a proper level that day or will your mind fail you and not allow you out of your pain induced haze to even properly answer a medical question for your child or husband.
It all depends on the day. That's the sad part. I plan my days just like most every other parent but sometimes things get left by the wayside because I physically or mentally can't tackle that task that particular day because I'm not feeling well.
Not feeling well. Saying, "I don't feel well today" is a common phrase I use. So is, "I just don't feel right today, something's off".
On days where I'm not feeling well, I have a hard time getting anything done.
Today, has been one of those days. I just didn't feel like doing anything today. I didn't want to get up at 6:30 am to take my best friend to work, I didn't want to clean, do laundry, make any kind of food item, change diapers, pick up my girls, just nothing!
But I had to...I had no choice. Life continues even when I don't feel like continuing.