Saturday, December 21, 2013

When Do I Begin Again?

I've been sitting here for the past couple weeks going, "What in the freakin hell am I going to write about in my blog?".  And then of course being the person that I am I've been putting it off and putting it off and putting it off because I haven't had the mental stamina nor want to sit down and hammer this out.  My muse left me about a week or so ago, probably during the time my entire family was ill beyond belief with the epic cold/virus of the century and it's been rough getting her to come back and play nicely with me for more than a few fleeting moments before she tears away again at the sounds of my daughters cries.

It's harder than one may imagine to sit down and put cohesive thoughts together into sentences to form a paragraph and finally into a line of paragraphs that could either be a novel, a blog, a short story, an article, etc.  Especially when you have one child in your lap doing everything possible to touch the keys of your computer while you're trying to type and another sitting next to you, grabbing at your shirt, cooing and giggling basically begging you for attention (which she has had for the past three hours straight but that's neither here nor there for her) and all the while all you want to do is put thoughts onto paper and get them out of your head. 

So here I sat, trying time and time again to come up with something fascinating, something remotely interesting for you all and maybe something just a little bit zany but nothing happened.  I would sit down at the end of the long day with my computer in front of me and my blog pulled up, a fresh blank page staring me in the face.  And guess what happened?


Nothing happened.  My mind was as blank as the page in front of my face.  I even tried going back to old school ways, writing in my journal with a pen and paper, a trick I learned years ago to get your mind back in the game, and still nothing.

I tried free writing, just putting my thoughts onto paper with no plot or purpose or rhyme or reason and still nothing. 

And then it happened, it was as though a door in my mind just blew open and out poured thoughts and ideas and emotions and I had no choice but to put them down, to write them out.

And now, three blog posts later, it still hasn't dwindled down.

I don't know if I've ever told any of you but ages ago (almost four years now) I started writing a novel.  Yes, that's right, a novel. 

I am 4/5 of the way through my novel and can never seem to find enough time to sit down and finish it.  It kills me that it's been almost five years since I began my novel and I still don't have it done. 

My muse is a fickle bitch most of the time and she rarely plays nice for me but I'm glad she does from time to time.  I just wish she would visit more often when I have free time so I could finish it and pass it along to some editors and see if anyone wants to publish it for me. 

I want nothing more in life for myself than to have my novel published.  I already have four short stories, two articles and seven poems published but I have want for more.  I want to share more of my work with more people. 

All I need now is time.  Maybe, a few years down the road, when my girls are a little older and a little more self sufficient I'll be able to get back into it enough to get it finished and passed on.  Maybe.  For now I have to be happy with this blog and hope that my muse continues to play nice...perhaps be a bit nicer even.  I don't know but what I do know is that my girls come first. 

So until the day comes that I can sit and write for a few hours at a time again, instead of a few minutes at a time, I will be happy with what I have. 

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