Bathtime, we all know it. We've all done it at some point. Some of our children love water right away, others have to be warmed up to the idea and still others are so terrified of bathtime that they literally scream as though you're trying to kill them as soon as you turn the tub on.
It's hilarious really after you think about it for a while, they were swimming for 9 friggin months inside your womb and then not a mere 24 hours after they're born they are introduced to water that is so similar to the inside of your womb it's almost ridiculous how much they scream sometimes.
I'm writing this as I listen to my daughter cry her eyes out in the bathtub with daddy because he's washing her hair. The simplest of joys for me is mere torture for her. And I don't understand why, she does this every other day!
Scream at me if you want, all you perfect mothers who are so organized it's insane, because yes I bathe my daughters every other day. Not every day, as most of you would want me to. And there's a reason for that, you see my daughters have my skin, my skin is dry as all get out. I mean really, sometimes my skin makes the Sahara look wet. It's so gross. I won't go on. But anyway, they have that skin type already in life so I know that I have to lotion them up at least twice a day and I know that I can't bathe them every single day or their skin will dry out just like mine will.
Anyway, back to bathtime. My oldest daughter will play in the pool and splash water all over herself with not a tear shed all day long but the moment you go to wash her hair in the tub she turns into a screaming meamie.
What the difference is between the two, I'm not entirely sure, but whatever it may be it is obviously a huge difference for my little girl. Her sister, my youngest, despises water just as much as my oldest, so screaming when encountering water isn't a new thing for me.
I just find it curious how they change, since not more than 2 months ago I couldn't even run the tub water without my oldest running into the bathroom wanting a bath. Now she's screaming whenever you wash her hair. I don't know. It's just another one of those little things that I have to look forward to.
Sunday, September 8, 2013
Friday, August 30, 2013
Once again...
It's happened again. I have forgotten to take care of myself and have been so wrapped up in making sure everyone else has what they need that I still haven't seen a dentist.
I was supposed to see a dentist while I was pregnant with Newbie and it still hasn't happened. And now I really need a dentist. A few weeks ago my left lower jaw was throbbing, my tooth was aching and I felt miserable. That's all ended now but when I bite down on anything with that particular tooth I get a dull aching throb that doesn't really hurt so much as it's uncomfortable.
I feel as though this tooth may be dead and I will mourn its loss greatly since it's a molar.
I don't take care of myself as much I should. I really don't. I'm always so worried about everyone else and everything they need before I start to worry about myself and since I rarely ever have time to worry about myself anymore my needs go by the wayside more often than not.
Everyone tells me I need to make time for myself. How the hell do I do that? I can barely fit in a shower let alone time to go to the dentist. Or the doctor. Or the chiropractor. Or the hair salon (what the hell am I saying, I can barely afford a Great Clips hair cut).
My point is this: If everyone wants me to make time for myself so badly then why don't they help me pick up the slack and get things taken care of so I can make time for myself?
Anyway, sorry for the side rant. Back to teeth!!
According to certain old wives tales, children leach calcium out of your teeth when you're pregnant with them if you aren't getting enough calcium to support their bone growth.
However, I googled this crap because I just couldn't believe it. I have a medical background, used to be a CNA and a medical transcriptionist. I didn't think this was a believable fact. I thought, from what I was taught, that pregnancy leached calcium from your bones not your teeth and that calcium was quickly replaced by your regular diet after giving birth and stopping breastfeeding.
So where did these old wives tales about losing teeth and getting cavities with every pregnancy come from?
Check this out: Tooth Loss and Pregnancy
According to this website, which I hope you'll read the article because it really is great information, tooth decay and or loss during and after pregnancy is caused by several factors including improper dental care, previous gum problems exacerbated by hormone changes, vomiting, cravings for sugary foods, vomiting and retching while brushing your teeth.
They go into detail in the article so I won't bore you with too many excerpts from it but this one in particular caught my eye and seems to be the reason behind my personal issues.
"...Some pregnant women find that brushing their teeth, particularly the molars, provokes retching. However, you risk tooth decay if you don’t brush regularly. Suggestions include:
Well, now you know why your teeth went bad after or during pregnancy. And now I know why I need to find a dentist so very badly. Only issue is finding one that takes my insurance but that's a rant/issue for another post.
I was supposed to see a dentist while I was pregnant with Newbie and it still hasn't happened. And now I really need a dentist. A few weeks ago my left lower jaw was throbbing, my tooth was aching and I felt miserable. That's all ended now but when I bite down on anything with that particular tooth I get a dull aching throb that doesn't really hurt so much as it's uncomfortable.
I feel as though this tooth may be dead and I will mourn its loss greatly since it's a molar.
I don't take care of myself as much I should. I really don't. I'm always so worried about everyone else and everything they need before I start to worry about myself and since I rarely ever have time to worry about myself anymore my needs go by the wayside more often than not.
Everyone tells me I need to make time for myself. How the hell do I do that? I can barely fit in a shower let alone time to go to the dentist. Or the doctor. Or the chiropractor. Or the hair salon (what the hell am I saying, I can barely afford a Great Clips hair cut).
My point is this: If everyone wants me to make time for myself so badly then why don't they help me pick up the slack and get things taken care of so I can make time for myself?
Anyway, sorry for the side rant. Back to teeth!!
According to certain old wives tales, children leach calcium out of your teeth when you're pregnant with them if you aren't getting enough calcium to support their bone growth.
However, I googled this crap because I just couldn't believe it. I have a medical background, used to be a CNA and a medical transcriptionist. I didn't think this was a believable fact. I thought, from what I was taught, that pregnancy leached calcium from your bones not your teeth and that calcium was quickly replaced by your regular diet after giving birth and stopping breastfeeding.
So where did these old wives tales about losing teeth and getting cavities with every pregnancy come from?
Check this out: Tooth Loss and Pregnancy
According to this website, which I hope you'll read the article because it really is great information, tooth decay and or loss during and after pregnancy is caused by several factors including improper dental care, previous gum problems exacerbated by hormone changes, vomiting, cravings for sugary foods, vomiting and retching while brushing your teeth.
They go into detail in the article so I won't bore you with too many excerpts from it but this one in particular caught my eye and seems to be the reason behind my personal issues.
"...Some pregnant women find that brushing their teeth, particularly the molars, provokes retching. However, you risk tooth decay if you don’t brush regularly. Suggestions include:
- Use a brush with a small head, such as a brush made for toddlers.
- Take your time. Slow down your brushing action.
- It may help to close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing.
- Try other distractions, such as listening to music.
- If the taste of the toothpaste seems to provoke your gag reflex, switch to another brand. Alternatively, brush your teeth with water and follow up with a fluoridated mouthwash. Go back to brushing with fluoridated toothpaste as soon as you can..."
Well, now you know why your teeth went bad after or during pregnancy. And now I know why I need to find a dentist so very badly. Only issue is finding one that takes my insurance but that's a rant/issue for another post.
Thursday, August 29, 2013
Jealousy
Have you ever been so jealous of someone sleeping that you just want to punch them in the face?
You may or may not laugh at that question but feel free to. I do all the time whenever I ask myself or anyone else that question.
I'm not much of a sleeper, never really have been and according to my mother I started phasing out naps at only 14 months. Being older now though, I crave sleep something fierce most days. I need it. I want it. I dream about it.
Yes, you read that correctly. I DREAM ABOUT SLEEPING! Which means, while I'm sleeping, my body craves it SO MUCH that I actually dream about it. Disturbing fact, isn't it?
Anyway, insomnia wracks my body every night and exhaustion sometimes takes over but it's never for very long. It's terrible.
I'll give you a for instance, I got a mere 2.5 hours of sleep last night and it wasn't even all at once, it was broken up. There are various reasons for this much lack of sleep, a teething 14 month old, a fussy 3 month old who just started new medicine, a heat exhausted husband throwing up most of the night. You get the idea.
Four hours of sleep is my usual. That's right, I make all this happen on a mere four hours of broken sleep every night.
So I looked up some statistics and guess what? The average new mother only gets about four hours of broken sleep for the first 2 years of her child's life. The average new father gets about six hours for those first two years. Go figure. I'm not a man hater, I just get so jealous of people who get more sleep than I do. It's kind of funny actually.
I sat here reading over this information and thought back to my high school health class days when I was told that the average adult required six to eight hours of sleep and that without that much sleep our minds started to lose functionality on its base levels.
I then thought back to the new mother/father sleep statistics and thought to myself, how the HELL do we do it?
How do we manage to function even on our basal levels when we aren't getting the amount of sleep required to completely refresh our brains and bodies every night?
It's a question I pondered for a few hours before I came to this conclusion: Sheer willpower.
That's right, willpower is what makes us, as parents, so friggin awesome. We get very little recognition for all our hard work and even less sleep but the rewards are endless and wonderful and that is what keeps us going.
The love from our children, their little smiles when they see us, their wonderful giggles, the sparkle in their eyes when you show them something new and the like is what makes all this lack of sleep so very worth it.
I can't tell you how much my life has changed in the past two years. I had two beautiful baby girls, got married and have learned so many things I sometimes feel as though my head is going to explode but it is all worth it when I wake up in the morning and my little girls are smiling at me, cooing or babbling and ready beyond words to start their new day of exploration with me and daddy.
So there you have it folks, I hate sleeping people because I never get enough sleep but I'll continue to do it just the same because my girls are the only reason I need to keep getting up every morning despite the sleepless nights. I'm sure I'm not the only one.
You may or may not laugh at that question but feel free to. I do all the time whenever I ask myself or anyone else that question.
I'm not much of a sleeper, never really have been and according to my mother I started phasing out naps at only 14 months. Being older now though, I crave sleep something fierce most days. I need it. I want it. I dream about it.
Yes, you read that correctly. I DREAM ABOUT SLEEPING! Which means, while I'm sleeping, my body craves it SO MUCH that I actually dream about it. Disturbing fact, isn't it?
Anyway, insomnia wracks my body every night and exhaustion sometimes takes over but it's never for very long. It's terrible.
I'll give you a for instance, I got a mere 2.5 hours of sleep last night and it wasn't even all at once, it was broken up. There are various reasons for this much lack of sleep, a teething 14 month old, a fussy 3 month old who just started new medicine, a heat exhausted husband throwing up most of the night. You get the idea.
Four hours of sleep is my usual. That's right, I make all this happen on a mere four hours of broken sleep every night.
So I looked up some statistics and guess what? The average new mother only gets about four hours of broken sleep for the first 2 years of her child's life. The average new father gets about six hours for those first two years. Go figure. I'm not a man hater, I just get so jealous of people who get more sleep than I do. It's kind of funny actually.
I sat here reading over this information and thought back to my high school health class days when I was told that the average adult required six to eight hours of sleep and that without that much sleep our minds started to lose functionality on its base levels.
I then thought back to the new mother/father sleep statistics and thought to myself, how the HELL do we do it?
How do we manage to function even on our basal levels when we aren't getting the amount of sleep required to completely refresh our brains and bodies every night?
It's a question I pondered for a few hours before I came to this conclusion: Sheer willpower.
That's right, willpower is what makes us, as parents, so friggin awesome. We get very little recognition for all our hard work and even less sleep but the rewards are endless and wonderful and that is what keeps us going.
The love from our children, their little smiles when they see us, their wonderful giggles, the sparkle in their eyes when you show them something new and the like is what makes all this lack of sleep so very worth it.
I can't tell you how much my life has changed in the past two years. I had two beautiful baby girls, got married and have learned so many things I sometimes feel as though my head is going to explode but it is all worth it when I wake up in the morning and my little girls are smiling at me, cooing or babbling and ready beyond words to start their new day of exploration with me and daddy.
So there you have it folks, I hate sleeping people because I never get enough sleep but I'll continue to do it just the same because my girls are the only reason I need to keep getting up every morning despite the sleepless nights. I'm sure I'm not the only one.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Am I Speaking In Tongues?
You may or may not know what I'm about to talk about but more than likely you will have some clue as to what I'm saying, especially if you have children.
Do you ever get that feeling as though you've turned into some kind of a broken record periodically throughout the day? Like maybe you aren't actually speaking English? Or whatever language it may be that you speak fluently? I feel that way often.
You see, my fiance, father of my children, man of my dreams, my knight in shining armor, has ADHD with emphasis on the H or hyperactivity part but with a whole heck of a lot of the AD or attention deficit part.
This does not change my opinion of him or make me think any less of him. It's just that periodically throughout the day I find myself having to repeat what I've said time and time again to him because he either doesn't hear me the first time, is too distracted to fully listen and catch all of it the second time and then the third time he usually hears me but may sometimes once again get too distracted to actually hear everything I've said so...once again, I end up having to repeat myself.
Then there's my mother, I seriously think her hearing and her mind are going because I have to repeat myself to her again and again and remind her repeatedly of appointments and other goings on.
My sister...my ADHD, autistic, Asperger's syndrome sister. Asperger's is also known as Other World Syndrome. Which means, she is never really there with you even though you may think she is. She is constantly in her own little world and you have to pull her out of it and grab her attention before you even say something to her or it's like talking to a wall, you get absolutely no response.
And lastly, my 1-year-old daughter, whose name I have to repeat so many times in one day that I know for a fact anyone who is visiting or anyone I visit, basically, anyone within earshot of me attempting to tell her no for the umpteenth time, will know her name if they don't already.
I hate feeling like a broken record. I hate being a broken record because very often while repeating myself I forget what it was that I was going to say next so I feel lost in my own mind, trying and trying to remember what it was that I was going to say and failing miserably at it.
It's irritating, to say the last and just another one of those little things.
Do you ever get that feeling as though you've turned into some kind of a broken record periodically throughout the day? Like maybe you aren't actually speaking English? Or whatever language it may be that you speak fluently? I feel that way often.
You see, my fiance, father of my children, man of my dreams, my knight in shining armor, has ADHD with emphasis on the H or hyperactivity part but with a whole heck of a lot of the AD or attention deficit part.
This does not change my opinion of him or make me think any less of him. It's just that periodically throughout the day I find myself having to repeat what I've said time and time again to him because he either doesn't hear me the first time, is too distracted to fully listen and catch all of it the second time and then the third time he usually hears me but may sometimes once again get too distracted to actually hear everything I've said so...once again, I end up having to repeat myself.
Then there's my mother, I seriously think her hearing and her mind are going because I have to repeat myself to her again and again and remind her repeatedly of appointments and other goings on.
My sister...my ADHD, autistic, Asperger's syndrome sister. Asperger's is also known as Other World Syndrome. Which means, she is never really there with you even though you may think she is. She is constantly in her own little world and you have to pull her out of it and grab her attention before you even say something to her or it's like talking to a wall, you get absolutely no response.
And lastly, my 1-year-old daughter, whose name I have to repeat so many times in one day that I know for a fact anyone who is visiting or anyone I visit, basically, anyone within earshot of me attempting to tell her no for the umpteenth time, will know her name if they don't already.
I hate feeling like a broken record. I hate being a broken record because very often while repeating myself I forget what it was that I was going to say next so I feel lost in my own mind, trying and trying to remember what it was that I was going to say and failing miserably at it.
It's irritating, to say the last and just another one of those little things.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Hmmmm....Why should I even bother to wash the clothes?
As I sit here sipping my warmed up yesterday's coffee, still in my pj's, my new babe (whom I shall refer to as Newbie for the rest of these posts) sleeping beside me and my almost one year old (who shall be affectionately known as Bruiser from here on out) downstairs with Oma attempting to feed herself for the third day in a row, I just now realize that I am wearing on my pajama shirt some of whatever the jar of food I picked out for Bruiser for her meal this afternoon may have been.
This is not the first time something like this has happened. For instance, I was at the WIC office the other day with Newbie, getting her weighed and checked out and I had to have myself checked out as well because it is WIC i.e. Woman, Infant, Child and they worry about me since I just gave birth. As I get off the scale I happen to look down and notice something nasty looking on my pant leg, my black pant leg.
Upon further inspection, it appears to be a booger. Ew. I wonder momentarily how a booger got all the way down there at the bottom of my pant leg and whose it may be since I don't pick my nose, neither does my fiance or either of my daughters because they aren't at that stage yet, thankfully.
So that begs the question, who's booger would it be? I shuddered at the thought of a stranger's booger being on my leg.
Unconvinced it was a stranger's booger stuck to the bottom of my pants leg, I proceeded to do the "mom thing" You know what I mean, that thing where you wipe at whatever it is with your finger/hand whichever you decide to use and then sniff it to try and identify the unknown object, stain, mess, wet spot, whatever it may be.
Identification made: Banana. That's right folks, I had some warmed up, half eaten, banana on my pant leg courtesy of Bruiser, no doubt and had been walking around with what looked like snot on my black pant leg for nearly two hours.
This realization led me to another question, why the hell should I even bother to wash the clothing if I never get to leave the house with it clean in the first place?
Of course, I know the answer to that question. You wash them because you want to be as presentable to the outside world as possible, with good, clean, nice smelling clothing so that you at least don't look like you never get any sleep, barely have time to shower, don't know when the last time you sat down to a hot meal was and barely know where your hairbrush and nail clippers and files are.
It really burns my bottom, when I put on fresh clean clothes and have actually had time to shower that day and I'm out the door looking good, or at least feeling that way, and smelling nice, only to find out about an hour or two later that my child left me a present of some sort of food, snot or slime related item on my nice clean outfit when I said goodbye to them. Despite the fact that all I did was give them a kiss, our bodies didn't even touch below the neck! And yet, somehow they have managed to smear banana, oatmeal, milk, juice, something on the smallest most unnoticeable portion of my shirt or pants.
However, as irritating as it may be, once again, I wouldn't change it for anything. And I know for a fact, that one day, a day I anxiously await, I will be able to leave the house in clean clothing because they'll know their hands or face are dirty and they will wash them all by themselves.
In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy every moment I have with them while they are as young as they are right now and they need me as much as they do because I know I'll miss it someday.
It's just one of those little things
This is not the first time something like this has happened. For instance, I was at the WIC office the other day with Newbie, getting her weighed and checked out and I had to have myself checked out as well because it is WIC i.e. Woman, Infant, Child and they worry about me since I just gave birth. As I get off the scale I happen to look down and notice something nasty looking on my pant leg, my black pant leg.
Upon further inspection, it appears to be a booger. Ew. I wonder momentarily how a booger got all the way down there at the bottom of my pant leg and whose it may be since I don't pick my nose, neither does my fiance or either of my daughters because they aren't at that stage yet, thankfully.
So that begs the question, who's booger would it be? I shuddered at the thought of a stranger's booger being on my leg.
Unconvinced it was a stranger's booger stuck to the bottom of my pants leg, I proceeded to do the "mom thing" You know what I mean, that thing where you wipe at whatever it is with your finger/hand whichever you decide to use and then sniff it to try and identify the unknown object, stain, mess, wet spot, whatever it may be.
Identification made: Banana. That's right folks, I had some warmed up, half eaten, banana on my pant leg courtesy of Bruiser, no doubt and had been walking around with what looked like snot on my black pant leg for nearly two hours.
This realization led me to another question, why the hell should I even bother to wash the clothing if I never get to leave the house with it clean in the first place?
Of course, I know the answer to that question. You wash them because you want to be as presentable to the outside world as possible, with good, clean, nice smelling clothing so that you at least don't look like you never get any sleep, barely have time to shower, don't know when the last time you sat down to a hot meal was and barely know where your hairbrush and nail clippers and files are.
It really burns my bottom, when I put on fresh clean clothes and have actually had time to shower that day and I'm out the door looking good, or at least feeling that way, and smelling nice, only to find out about an hour or two later that my child left me a present of some sort of food, snot or slime related item on my nice clean outfit when I said goodbye to them. Despite the fact that all I did was give them a kiss, our bodies didn't even touch below the neck! And yet, somehow they have managed to smear banana, oatmeal, milk, juice, something on the smallest most unnoticeable portion of my shirt or pants.
However, as irritating as it may be, once again, I wouldn't change it for anything. And I know for a fact, that one day, a day I anxiously await, I will be able to leave the house in clean clothing because they'll know their hands or face are dirty and they will wash them all by themselves.
In the meantime, I'm going to enjoy every moment I have with them while they are as young as they are right now and they need me as much as they do because I know I'll miss it someday.
It's just one of those little things
Monday, May 27, 2013
My New Babe
The newest addition to my family, my second daughter, was born on May 10th, 2013 at 7:53 pm weighing in at 6 lbs 15 oz and measuring 20 inches long. After 29 hours of induced labor and only 3 minutes of pushing, with family and close friends by my side, Teagan Rose was finally here, 41 weeks after her conception. I cried, daddy cried, Oma cried and her big sister Ardanata clapped her little hands away in unknowing surprise and happiness.
Teagan spent the first two days of her life with me and daddy, in my recovery room being no more fussy than your average baby but for some spitting up issues, a few tremors when disturbed and a small rash on her chin. All of these things are symptoms from withdrawal. And soon she became so fussy and obviously uncomfortable that I had no choice but to say yes when they asked if I wanted her to go to the nursery for the night.
As I'm sure I mentioned in an earlier post, I have to take Oxycodone on an every 4 hours, every day schedule. I have chronic pain in my low back due to a twisted spine which I got from a car accident I was in six years ago and I take the Oxycodone to numb the pain enough for me to function on a daily basis.
As with all mothers who give birth to children who are addicted to any medication at birth, they started rating Teagan according to her symptoms. A 10 is the highest and worst number a new baby can get with a 1 being the lowest and best. For the first two nights she was rating 3's and 5's. With the last night she had rated three 8's and a 5. The 8's are what pushed the decision for her to go into the NICU for observation and possible treatment for withdrawal symptoms.
Thankfully, Teagan ended up having to go into the NICU for only two and a half days. That's right, only two and a half days! Not a week like with my first daughter and my new babe didn't need any meds to help her with the withdrawal symptoms either! I was elated.
We brought her home, got her tucked in and settled and everything has been going pretty well but my elation soon turned into sleep deprivation which has now turned into a massive migraine that I am still battling. I wouldn't change any of it for anything in the world, though.
And despite the fact that a change in hormone levels has made my bipolar disorder and depression become so far out of control that I actually asked my psych doctor to help me out and give me something more than what I'm already taking, I love my girls with all my heart and soul.
My psychiatrist did as I asked without any hassle and even gave me back my anti-anxiety medication, which I am eternally grateful for, because they help calm me down once I've gone into full panic mode and can't get back out on my own.
It was a long six months without that medication and I am happier than a clam to have it back in my grubby little paws. Don't misunderstand, I am no addict, I just can't believe I even made it that long without it. I can't believe my fiance made it that long without my anti-anxiety medication. He is a saint for putting up with me and my craziness that long.
All in all, I'm just glad to have my body back to myself once again and I plan on keeping it that way for a very, very long time. It feels fantastic to bend down and touch my toes or to lean forward and not have a little person pressing down on my bladder or up into my ribs. But just like a quote that I found one day while surfing the ever expanding interwebs, "No one will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside." I will always have a strong connection to my children no matter how much suffering I went through in order to bring them into this world, healthy and relatively happy.
In the meantime, my new babe Teagan is giving me hell with her schedule being all bass ackwards, sleeping during the day and being awake at night, so I must go and try to correct this, again. Just one of those little things again. :)
Teagan spent the first two days of her life with me and daddy, in my recovery room being no more fussy than your average baby but for some spitting up issues, a few tremors when disturbed and a small rash on her chin. All of these things are symptoms from withdrawal. And soon she became so fussy and obviously uncomfortable that I had no choice but to say yes when they asked if I wanted her to go to the nursery for the night.
As I'm sure I mentioned in an earlier post, I have to take Oxycodone on an every 4 hours, every day schedule. I have chronic pain in my low back due to a twisted spine which I got from a car accident I was in six years ago and I take the Oxycodone to numb the pain enough for me to function on a daily basis.
As with all mothers who give birth to children who are addicted to any medication at birth, they started rating Teagan according to her symptoms. A 10 is the highest and worst number a new baby can get with a 1 being the lowest and best. For the first two nights she was rating 3's and 5's. With the last night she had rated three 8's and a 5. The 8's are what pushed the decision for her to go into the NICU for observation and possible treatment for withdrawal symptoms.
Thankfully, Teagan ended up having to go into the NICU for only two and a half days. That's right, only two and a half days! Not a week like with my first daughter and my new babe didn't need any meds to help her with the withdrawal symptoms either! I was elated.
We brought her home, got her tucked in and settled and everything has been going pretty well but my elation soon turned into sleep deprivation which has now turned into a massive migraine that I am still battling. I wouldn't change any of it for anything in the world, though.
And despite the fact that a change in hormone levels has made my bipolar disorder and depression become so far out of control that I actually asked my psych doctor to help me out and give me something more than what I'm already taking, I love my girls with all my heart and soul.
My psychiatrist did as I asked without any hassle and even gave me back my anti-anxiety medication, which I am eternally grateful for, because they help calm me down once I've gone into full panic mode and can't get back out on my own.
It was a long six months without that medication and I am happier than a clam to have it back in my grubby little paws. Don't misunderstand, I am no addict, I just can't believe I even made it that long without it. I can't believe my fiance made it that long without my anti-anxiety medication. He is a saint for putting up with me and my craziness that long.
All in all, I'm just glad to have my body back to myself once again and I plan on keeping it that way for a very, very long time. It feels fantastic to bend down and touch my toes or to lean forward and not have a little person pressing down on my bladder or up into my ribs. But just like a quote that I found one day while surfing the ever expanding interwebs, "No one will ever know the strength of my love for you. After all, you're the only one who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside." I will always have a strong connection to my children no matter how much suffering I went through in order to bring them into this world, healthy and relatively happy.
In the meantime, my new babe Teagan is giving me hell with her schedule being all bass ackwards, sleeping during the day and being awake at night, so I must go and try to correct this, again. Just one of those little things again. :)
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
First Time Mom Equals Questions Galore
I'm a first time Mom to a beautiful baby girl who is now 11 months old, she'll be a year old in less than a month. Also, I'm expecting my second child any day now.
As a first time mom, who helped to raise my godson, who is now 8 years old, babysat for many a child growing up, helped to raise my autistic sister and did medical transcription for a pediatrician, I have found that I was/am nowhere near as experienced in "mom things" as I thought I would have been.
There are still so many questions I have on a daily basis and I am often second guessing myself. I realize that some of the second guessing is my own insecurities and I also realize that every baby is different in their needs and wants but it can be so disheartening at times.
Picture this: Your child is crying, you have gone over the list of things that usually make them happy or calm them; diaper change, hungry, teething, tired, wanting a specific toy or some play time with a certain someone that isn't you but nothing is working. Absolutely, NOTHING is working. You've gone over this list several times to try to calm them and still, they cry. What do you do? What WOULD you do?
I, unlike some new mothers, have a backup plan to my list, her name is Oma. She is my mother, my daughter's grandmother, she raised two beautiful and healthy daughters, my sister and I, and has much more experience by far than I could ever seem to think I do. Whenever I start second guessing myself or have gone over the list so many times that I'm ready to pull my hair out, I call her.
When I do give her a call, she listens to what I have to say, usually agrees with my "diagnosis" of the problem and reassures me that what I have decided to do is similar to or the same as what she would do. There are some times where she will think of something I haven't and will suggest it but never force it on me. She realizes that my daughter is my daughter and that the in the end it is completely up to me as to how to raise her or take care of her needs and wants and I'm forever grateful for that. I know some new parents who don't have the luxury of a grandparent who does or would do the same things for their children and grandchildren.
I am and forever will be eternally grateful that my mother, Oma, has been around to help me in this first year of new mommyhood for me and my daughter and that she will be around for my second daughter in just the same way.
And "Oma time" is just fantastic. I have a unique living situation, you see, my mother who is physically disabled from years of transcription work (her back and hands are so messed up that she can longer do the work she had done for over 25 years) and my autistic sister live with me and my fiance and soon to be two daughters. It's a full house for sure but I'm glad I have this situation because when I've come to my wits end and no longer know what to do or even just need a break for an hour or two my mother is right downstairs and more than willing to have "Oma time" with my little girl.
"Oma time" can be anywhere from a couple hours to half the day, depending on how Oma is feeling, but there are even times where it's only for an hour or so and even that small break is a great relief to me. I couldn't be more blessed or more grateful for that hour some days and other days, my daughter doesn't get "Oma time" at all and those days are okay, as well.
My daughter really has brought so much joy to my mother's life, she's become Oma's little buddy, sharing toys and food with her and listening to music with her (my daughter will start dancing and moving her little head back and forth to the beat of some music that only she can hear and it is quite adorable) and dancing. My mother has battled depression for many years and having a granddaughter to share time and energy with has really brightened up her life.
I stray from the topic though, as I usually do, forgive me. What I'm trying to get at is that as a new mom you will forever have questions and you will always second guess yourself. It's inevitable, it's going to happen because no one is perfect and it's ridiculous for you to think that you know everything there is to know about children and raising them just because you've babysat a few or you've helped out with raising someone else's child or because you've read all the books on raising children you could possibly find.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, will prepare you for taking care of your own child except for personal experience. Even then, you have to remember that every child is different and that way may have worked for your first child may or may not work for the second child or third or fourth or whichever number you may be on. Yes, you may have all the basic experience down, diaper changing, formula making or breastfeeding, whichever, medicine giving (if you do), fever reducing, teething consoling and so much more but really think of it this way, could you find someone or do you know someone who is comforted in the exact same way you are? Or by the same things? You probably don't and if you do, then you are one lucky duck.
When you start second guessing yourself, turn to someone you trust to help you find an answer or to just give you a little self esteem boost and let you know that you really are doing what's best for your child. Be it a Mommy group on facebook, your pediatrician or even your own mother, everyone needs that little extra oomph in their self esteem when they start the second guessing process because nothing is working. So don't be afraid to turn to them in your time of need. And remember, everyone is different, what works for one child may or may not work for another and it doesn't mean there is anything "wrong" with you or them, it just means they're different, their needs are different and it may take time to figure things out but patience is your biggest ally in raising a child.
As a first time mom, who helped to raise my godson, who is now 8 years old, babysat for many a child growing up, helped to raise my autistic sister and did medical transcription for a pediatrician, I have found that I was/am nowhere near as experienced in "mom things" as I thought I would have been.
There are still so many questions I have on a daily basis and I am often second guessing myself. I realize that some of the second guessing is my own insecurities and I also realize that every baby is different in their needs and wants but it can be so disheartening at times.
Picture this: Your child is crying, you have gone over the list of things that usually make them happy or calm them; diaper change, hungry, teething, tired, wanting a specific toy or some play time with a certain someone that isn't you but nothing is working. Absolutely, NOTHING is working. You've gone over this list several times to try to calm them and still, they cry. What do you do? What WOULD you do?
I, unlike some new mothers, have a backup plan to my list, her name is Oma. She is my mother, my daughter's grandmother, she raised two beautiful and healthy daughters, my sister and I, and has much more experience by far than I could ever seem to think I do. Whenever I start second guessing myself or have gone over the list so many times that I'm ready to pull my hair out, I call her.
When I do give her a call, she listens to what I have to say, usually agrees with my "diagnosis" of the problem and reassures me that what I have decided to do is similar to or the same as what she would do. There are some times where she will think of something I haven't and will suggest it but never force it on me. She realizes that my daughter is my daughter and that the in the end it is completely up to me as to how to raise her or take care of her needs and wants and I'm forever grateful for that. I know some new parents who don't have the luxury of a grandparent who does or would do the same things for their children and grandchildren.
I am and forever will be eternally grateful that my mother, Oma, has been around to help me in this first year of new mommyhood for me and my daughter and that she will be around for my second daughter in just the same way.
And "Oma time" is just fantastic. I have a unique living situation, you see, my mother who is physically disabled from years of transcription work (her back and hands are so messed up that she can longer do the work she had done for over 25 years) and my autistic sister live with me and my fiance and soon to be two daughters. It's a full house for sure but I'm glad I have this situation because when I've come to my wits end and no longer know what to do or even just need a break for an hour or two my mother is right downstairs and more than willing to have "Oma time" with my little girl.
"Oma time" can be anywhere from a couple hours to half the day, depending on how Oma is feeling, but there are even times where it's only for an hour or so and even that small break is a great relief to me. I couldn't be more blessed or more grateful for that hour some days and other days, my daughter doesn't get "Oma time" at all and those days are okay, as well.
My daughter really has brought so much joy to my mother's life, she's become Oma's little buddy, sharing toys and food with her and listening to music with her (my daughter will start dancing and moving her little head back and forth to the beat of some music that only she can hear and it is quite adorable) and dancing. My mother has battled depression for many years and having a granddaughter to share time and energy with has really brightened up her life.
I stray from the topic though, as I usually do, forgive me. What I'm trying to get at is that as a new mom you will forever have questions and you will always second guess yourself. It's inevitable, it's going to happen because no one is perfect and it's ridiculous for you to think that you know everything there is to know about children and raising them just because you've babysat a few or you've helped out with raising someone else's child or because you've read all the books on raising children you could possibly find.
Nothing, absolutely nothing, will prepare you for taking care of your own child except for personal experience. Even then, you have to remember that every child is different and that way may have worked for your first child may or may not work for the second child or third or fourth or whichever number you may be on. Yes, you may have all the basic experience down, diaper changing, formula making or breastfeeding, whichever, medicine giving (if you do), fever reducing, teething consoling and so much more but really think of it this way, could you find someone or do you know someone who is comforted in the exact same way you are? Or by the same things? You probably don't and if you do, then you are one lucky duck.
When you start second guessing yourself, turn to someone you trust to help you find an answer or to just give you a little self esteem boost and let you know that you really are doing what's best for your child. Be it a Mommy group on facebook, your pediatrician or even your own mother, everyone needs that little extra oomph in their self esteem when they start the second guessing process because nothing is working. So don't be afraid to turn to them in your time of need. And remember, everyone is different, what works for one child may or may not work for another and it doesn't mean there is anything "wrong" with you or them, it just means they're different, their needs are different and it may take time to figure things out but patience is your biggest ally in raising a child.
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